So here’s an interesting episode that happened to me last week; it was kinda scary to say the least, but opened my eyes to how low a person’s self-esteem can be.
I’ve got this friend who’s a bartender; usually opens up the place around 5pm, but that day I felt like having an early drink with him; now even though the pub next to his place was open, I didn’t exactly feel like joining in with strangers when I needed a bartender that knew my mood swings and a good listener, so I messaged him sending a good morning then waiting for a response, which is what normal people do, now the conversation didn’t go exactly as I had planned it when I saw the response, and noticed that it wasn’t D that answered, but his current girlfriend (whom I didn’t know at the time who she was).
Later on he calls me excusing his girlfriend’s behavior and opening up the pub so I could join. Of course since it was still around 4pm, I had to help out clean up the place so it’d be ready for opening hour, while having a beer with him (normal, I’m a customer, but also a friend), chatting about how our new year’s eve party went and sharing interesting stories about random customers and people at work.
A friend of mine joined a bit later, right when we had finished up cleaning and went for a cigarette, even though the place was still closed, both of us being good friends with him he let us sit down for our beer and enjoy it before the crowds joined.
And that’s when I heard someone at the door behind us, I couldn’t exactly see who it was since I had my back turned but I heard some harsh whispering between D and someone, whom my friend a couple of minutes later recognized as the waitress that used to work here a couple of months ago. As I was turning around to tell her we missed her around here (her having been our waitress for 2 years, and having been the origin of us picking this place as a hangout), when she stormed in and started calling me so many names, mainly aggressively and verbally attacking me for sleeping with her boyfriend. And that’s when it hit me, she’s the girlfriend!
By that time people had started walking by the place and watching the huge scene from afar, throwing me angry glances of disapproval and disrespect, judging the situation from their point of view, while all I could do; all the while trying to stay as polite as possible; was to stare her in the eyes repetitively telling her I had no idea what she was talking about, then giving up, turning my back, and try to drown out the screaming while sipping my beer (which was extremely hard to do, I honestly just felt like getting up and slapping her across the face to get her to reason correctly – but that would have been extremely impolite). Until she finally left, leaving a sense of disorientation, awkwardness, and a feeling of disgust.
I later decided to relate this incident on Facebook, which got me some interesting comments, while others were quite useless; but most people saw what I didn’t when it had happened, she is simply overly insecure.
Now she did raise a good point during her monologue, which was why did her boyfriend have my number while she never had it. I could’ve easily told her that it’s because a couple of my posts were about him, so I could send it to him before publishing for feedback, but then that would have sparked some more questions; which I didn’t feel like getting into, but she never taught me or told me or even done anything much interesting for me to relate in my blog; and saying that out loud could’ve broken her self-esteem even more.
So now here I am trying desperately to find a way to stop this insanity by avoiding my favorite pub, just so as not to run into her and spark even more questions and harsh words. Which shouldn’t be the case, especially since nothing ever happened (or ever will for that matter) between me and her boyfriend, I am a customer, as well as a friend, I believe I’m mature enough to be able to see and respect these limits and boundaries, the same way I do in my workspace.
So what can I say in that case? If I try and talk to her, she’ll think I’m covering something up, and if I avoid the place, it’ll be a point proven for her that she “caught us” in the act of cheating.
It’s hard to see the different perspectives when being an outsider, but having been on the inside of it and having been screamed at, judged nastily, and named all names; my ego has actually started wishing I had done something instead of getting blamed for just being there at the wrong time at the wrong place.