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Posts tagged ‘messaging’

Too much fun

So I heard this interesting story a couple of days ago that involves my brother-in-law M in London (yes M I’m finally writing a post about you). Now the story itself is quite simple and can be related in a couple of lines, but knowing my over-thinking brain, I will go deeper and analyse this story.

M and his wife L live in London, M goes to work on a daily basis from one side to the other of London on his bicycle, which is quite a long ride. So to enjoy the drive there, he, as most people do, plug their earphones in under their helmets and get on their busy day.
Heading to work a couple of days ago M got pulled over by a cop that asked him to remove his earphones, when asking why, the cop bluntly replied: “it looks like you’re having too much fun”. I didn’t see that one coming to tell you honestly, but hey the cop might have a point, listening to music might disrupt your road driving focus and cause you to have an accident.

Now I’ve been to London, and I’ve seen bikers have their own driving lane, as well as their own green lights, though that doesn’t make it any safer, since car drivers tend to take all the space they are given and end up mirror-butting cyclists. Personally, I found being a pedestrian in London even more dangerous than being a cyclist, but hey that’s just me.

So I thought through the cop’s logic and agreed that to a certain extend his reason for pulling M over should have been: because you’re not focused on the road so much and might be a danger to yourself and others. Now I’m not sure how dangerous that actually is in London; but it definitely is in Lebanon, where there are no cyclist traffic lights or lanes, and where pedestrians still don’t understand the fact that stop lights apply to them as well.

You see on the daily people listening to music and messaging run into objects, and you can even find video compilations of them that will make you laugh you socks off, and I will join you in laughter most definitely http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wl0JojWH1rQ;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjLkXzHXvWs; unfortunately we only see the funny, non-dangerous ones being reposted all over the internet, and forget about the poor souls that got run over because of these devices, one in particular is clear in my mind: Talal Amer Qassem, died at age 18 while crossing the road on Raouche, Beirut in front of Al Ajami. http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Lebanon-News/2010/Oct-20/60493-car-runs-over-and-kills-ic-student-walking-to-school.ashx#axzz2kbt2nqq5.

Talal had his iPod plugged in, he looked over before crossing the first road, decided to change song halfway through, and crossed the last bit without checking for cars first. His music was on so loud that he didn’t hear the car coming, nor the tires screeching, and the honks. That ended his life.

So looking back at the cop that pulled over M, I kind of understand where he’s coming from, but I think a simple: “please keep an ear unplugged and focus on the road” would have been better than: “it looks like you’re having too much fun”.

Keep your senses responsive when walking, cycling, biking, and driving. It might save you.T.

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Why ask me instead of your girlfriend?

Worst thing my friends always do to me? Ask me for relationship advice about them and their current significant other. Even worse when it’s your crush, your ex, or someone you used to hook up with that asks you for it.
I’m not sure why they always call me for advice. Their reason is: you are a woman, you understand women psychology. In truth I don’t understand shit about women; not even myself most of the time. But still they keep asking for advice.

They want advice on their relationship: what do you think? Should I push up to the next step or should I wait? How should I talk to her?
I don’t know! Look at me, I’m 25 years old, have been single for nearly 2 years, with a past full of bad to worse relationships. Are you sure you want advice from me?

They want advice and explanations about her: so she asked for space, what should I do? Should I wait? Should I call? Message her/him? How long should I wait?
Sorry my friend, I never met her, and even if I have if I don’t know her well enough how can I know what’s going on in her brain? She could need the space for anything and everything; whether it is family issues, work, school, an ex, she needs to think about her future, is you what she really wants, etc. How can you expect me to know what’s going on in your girlfriend’s head when I can barely figure out what’s going on in mine? You are the one that’s been with her for x amount of time, you’re supposed to know to a certain extend.

About the messaging part: If any of you readers rely on messages to try and convey emotions, please don’t; it’s the worst invention ever when it comes to relationships. Of course you can convey whatever you want the other person to think; but how honest can you be?
You want your relationship to work; face your significant other, live reactions are the most honest, if you can’t meet up directly, call them, you can’t always control your voice, emotions will always overflow. Don’t rely on a medium that can be changed depending on your needs. You would be lying to yourself and to your partner => your whole relationship can go down the drain in a second.

Yet you keep calling me and messaging her. Why?
You message me, hey how are you? Long time let’s go for a drink soon. I reply yeah sure; maybe tonight? You ask: where you at? Still chilling in bed? Me: nope, at work since 8. You: will call you in 5.
Then we have this 30 min conversation about what you should do and what might be going through her mind, when the only thing you should have done is tell her exactly what you told me.

Honesty is key. She shifts and changes her mind all the time, you’re tired of it, you’re unsure of where this is going? Don’t call me and tell me that. I can’t help you, even though I still try, but I’m not the one in the relationship. You need to call her and tell her that: I’m tired of being swung around, I’m tired of you deciding we need space, then again asking me to come close and make plans for a future. What do you want?

How do you expect to know what’s going through your partner’s mind if you don’t ask them? If they don’t answer honestly then that’s something else, but if you don’t ask, if you don’t tell them what they are making you go through, it will never work.

None of us are born mind readers; and I am definitely not the All Seeing. You want to know? Ask, ask, ask; you want your partner to know? Don’t wait for him to guess: tell, tell, tell. That’s the only way to know. Then it’s up to you to decide.

T.

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