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Posts tagged ‘truth’

I am a nyctophiliac

I believe I am a Nyctophiliac.

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I stumbled upon this word a couple of days ago and was surprised at the simplicity of its explanation and how well it fit my perceptions.

I love the night, I love walking at night, living in remote places with no electricity, and sleeping in a pitch black room.

But then I got to thinking, it might not be exactly the night and darkness themselves that I love and enjoy so much, but a couple of things that usually can be found in a dark place.

I enjoy the darkness for it does not harm my eyes, being a bright-eyed woman, my eyes constantly hurt from any direct light, whether it is sun-light, street-lights, or car/tail-lights. Light hurts my eyes, even on cloudy days, the white haze harms me. So I prefer the darkness of the night in an area with no direct light.

I enjoy the peace and quiet that takes place at night; I enjoy not bumping into anyone, and the shadows hiding your features and those around you. The peacefulness of a starry night in the mountains or sitting on your balcony at 4am with no worries makes for a great time to enjoy and reflect, or simply to clear your mind without the stress of work, chores, or any other activity nagging at your mind or pushing you around.

I enjoy the night because it’s a time where you can let go of your beliefs, of your ideals, and of your hopes and enjoy a party, a beer, or whatever helps cloud your mind for a few moments. It’s the time where others won’t be fully aware of your actions and won’t be judgmental. It’s a time to let go of all reason and enjoy the moment while you’re living it. Just seep into darkness and live out your fantasies.

The darkness also shows us the other side of everything, the other side of life, the moon and the stars, the foxes and the owls, the whole world that lives during the hours of humans’ sleep. It’s a whole other world that lives in these dark hours of the day. And I love this world, whether it be in the city, in the village, up the mountains or deep in the sea; it’s a world that lives to live, not to show off or be glamorous, it’s the clothes you wear to get your paper in the morning, not the ones you wear to a fancy dinner, it’s the face with no makeup, with tired streaks, and bulgy eyes. It’s the world of life with no expectations; it’s the extra time that comes with each day.

So am I a Nyctophiliac? I have no idea, but I do love the darkness and the night. I enjoy each second of cold and silence before the busyness of the sun and people, the dreams of birds before their wake up call.

It’s all in the night.

T.

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Bombs, fire shots or simply fireworks?

I have to say living in Lebanon can be quite exciting sometimes. Don’t misunderstand what I mean by exciting, since it’s not necessarily in a a good way. Sometimes it’s more of a scare, that you might laugh at a few minutes later, at other times it’s a scare after which you’ll call your loved ones and make sure they’re  all safe.

Living here you learn to live with these explosions sounds, and learn to make up the difference between each on a daily basis, sometimes you might misunderstand them because of the city’s echo; and sometimes they might be so loud that they will confuse you.

Now I’m not sure if that’s the right way to live, but hey, I’ve been here since forever, I can more or less easily recognize the difference between a bomb and a garbage truck; fireworks and gun shots. But I have to say it doesn’t make things any easier.

 

I sometimes wonder. Why?

Why aren’t we trying to change that? why did we simply accept that this will always be our way of life instead of working for the opposite? why do I have to live in constant fear? why aren’t we, the Lebanese crowd, tired of this?

So many questions, but who has the answer?

I personally would never leave this country, for my own sake, I love it too much, I love my habits in this city, the mountains, the sea, the plains, and the valleys; they are a part of who I am. Even though staying here might be the end of me, in more ways than one. 

Todays’ youth, and the many generations before it, as well as the future ones I believe, will travel to more stable countries, find a good and stable job, and live a happy life with no such excitements. But I can’t help but wonder, will it ever end? or is this the simple yet ugly life that will always be expected of this country? is this what we will always be known for and recognized as?

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I don’t know about the rest of the Lebanese, but I believe that sticking around and taking a stand, at least speaking out our mind might help sometimes, or at least make it all clearer and better until the next time we hear these explosions of excitement.

 

T.

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