The internet: what a magnificent tool to make people feel awesome. I’ve discovered a couple of features online not long ago, the first was WordPress, and the second one, much more recent, is Flickr.
Before adding WordPress to my life I was a simple woman, living in Lebanon, waking up everyday at 7am to be at work at 8, spending my cigarette breaks reading posts from bloggers that were being shared on Facebook, then heading home for dinner and rest or going to meet up with a couple of friends for a drink.
My life was simple, no much expectations, just going about on the daily, travelling the world through my imagination, and of course, as most of us yearn for, trying to make a name for myself in the big world (pretty hard to do don’t you think?).
Then one day I decided I was too bored and started a WordPress account, where I could pour out my ideas, share some moments of lust or disgust, and share the world the way I see it, one day at a time or more.
A couple of weeks later my friend showed me how to share these posts on my Twitter account, and things got more interesting for me, I started getting likes and followers, something I never thought could actually happen to me on such short notice, and I loved it (I more than loved it though, I was jumping up and down while smirking like an idiot whenever I got a notice).
Then I discovered that writing a post each day can be quite tiring for those not used to doing so, I get crazy ideas each minute of my boring day, yet none seem interesting enough to share anymore; so I get writer’s block; then notice that it isn’t the writing itself that’s stopping me, it’s the moments that are too personal that I prefer to keep to myself, it’s the images and basic ideas pushing each other that are keeping me from writing, it’s simply the life I live that doesn’t provide me with much help to write.
My life has been printed and shared online in bits and pieces, some of them are too objective to be noticed, others are way too subjective, too hurtful or embarrassing, hilarious and sometimes comic. But that’s when I understood that I needed to share some of the burden sometimes, having my life plastered online wasn’t the best idea perhaps, but it might have gotten the attention of someone that is going through the same.
Less than a week ago my friend introduced me to Flickr, over the years he’d always ask me to post some of the pictures I take, so I decided to finally do so, trying (and most of the time failing), to limit the amount of posts a day, which has become the new hardest thing I’ve had to do since my writer’s block.
So now I’m all over Google, and it feels great. Growing up and discovering the magic of Google, I used to always search my name, to find hundreds of posts, about women with the same name. Then I earned my place a couple of times in the Lebanese newspapers, and I got bit by the thrill of being famous.
This died out pretty fast I must add, the other NHs were doing so much better than me. So I adopted my nickname, or alias, toutsi19, to see how much I could grow by myself, being an unknown person who’s sharing random stuff with all of you readers; and I noticed that toutsi was so much more interesting than NH (who would’ve thought?).
The internet helped me discern the two people I could be instead of trying to push one in becoming the other, which made my life so much simpler. The anonymous button on the internet made me thrive more, without the fear of being judged by those who know me; simply accepting subjective criticism from objective people.
Maybe one day I’ll share it all to my friends, but for now I’m simply enjoying all the perks of the internet in remaining a faceless actor.
I’m sure you all are doing the same somehow 🙂