Sneak peek into an estranged world. Cheers!

Posts tagged ‘Internet’

I’m famous!

The internet: what a magnificent tool to make people feel awesome. I’ve discovered a couple of features online not long ago, the first was WordPress, and the second one, much more recent, is Flickr.

Before adding WordPress to my life I was a simple woman, living in Lebanon, waking up everyday at 7am to be at work at 8, spending my cigarette breaks reading posts from bloggers that were being shared on Facebook, then heading home for dinner and rest or going to meet up with a couple of friends for a drink.

My life was simple, no much expectations, just going about on the daily, travelling the world through my imagination, and of course, as most of us yearn for, trying to make a name for myself in the big world (pretty hard to do don’t you think?).

Then one day I decided I was too bored and started a WordPress account, where I could pour out my ideas, share some moments of lust or disgust, and share the world the way I see it, one day at a time or more.

A couple of weeks later my friend showed me how to share these posts on my Twitter account, and things got more interesting for me, I started getting likes and followers, something I never thought could actually happen to me on such short notice, and I loved it (I more than loved it though, I was jumping up and down while smirking like an idiot whenever I got a notice).

Then I discovered that writing a post each day can be quite tiring for those not used to doing so, I get crazy ideas each minute of my boring day, yet none seem interesting enough to share anymore; so I get writer’s block; then notice that it isn’t the writing itself that’s stopping me, it’s the moments that are too personal that I prefer to keep to myself, it’s the images and basic ideas pushing each other that are keeping me from writing, it’s simply the life I live that doesn’t provide me with much help to write.

My life has been printed and shared online in bits and pieces, some of them are too objective to be noticed, others are way too subjective, too hurtful or embarrassing, hilarious and sometimes comic. But that’s when I understood that I needed to share some of the burden sometimes, having my life plastered online wasn’t the best idea perhaps, but it might have gotten the attention of someone that is going through the same.

Less than a week ago my friend introduced me to Flickr, over the years he’d always ask me to post some of the pictures I take, so I decided to finally do so, trying (and most of the time failing), to limit the amount of posts a day, which has become the new hardest thing I’ve had to do since my writer’s block.


So now I’m all over Google, and it feels great. Growing up and discovering the magic of Google, I used to always search my name, to find hundreds of posts, about women with the same name. Then I earned my place a couple of times in the Lebanese newspapers, and I got bit by the thrill of being famous.

This died out pretty fast I must add, the other NHs were doing so much better than me. So I adopted my nickname, or alias, toutsi19, to see how much I could grow by myself, being an unknown person who’s sharing random stuff with all of you readers; and I noticed that toutsi was so much more interesting than NH (who would’ve thought?).

The internet helped me discern the two people I could be instead of trying to push one in becoming the other, which made my life so much simpler. The anonymous button on the internet made me thrive more, without the fear of being judged by those who know me; simply accepting subjective criticism from objective people.

Maybe one day I’ll share it all to my friends, but for now I’m simply enjoying all the perks of the internet in remaining a faceless actor.

I’m sure you all are doing the same somehow 🙂


Lebanese internet maze

Growing up in Lebanon and attending college here, I remember that the worst thing to go through was finding a way to connect to the internet.

So I did a mini survey of students from different universities and most said the same thing: it’s hell!

Why is it hell? (answers are divided depending on most responded to least)

1- You have to go through 12 different people in different departments, spend all day going up and down campus, being sent from one person to the other endlessly to get it working on your phone/laptop.

2- The people in charge of adding the college’s internet to your device don’t even know how to.

3- It takes you a full day to get it, I don’t have the time

I don’t know about colleges around the world, but that’s the way it is in Lebanon. Pretty predictable don’t you think?

We say: it is available, but we never mention how hard it will be for you to get it; a bit like everything in this country. You can’t get this job? No problem, if you got a “wasta” you’ll get it, easy as snapping your fingers.

Wasta, for those not familiar with it, is basically an easy in ticket. Wasta is knowing someone in the system that will vouch for you and get you what you need, even when you don’t exactly deserve it. Wasta can get you out of a speeding ticket if you know someone that’s a friend or works with the cops. Wasta is a form of emotional bribing. Wasta is also, as I found out, the first word strangers, tourists, and exchange students learn when they get to Lebanon.

But on a side note, if any of you have any idea why colleges make their students go through so much trouble to be able to use the internet, why make it available in the first place? Most students I met decided to spend their two to four years in college without internet because of its hassle; which doesn’t really make sense since this internet is supposed to help students and make their life/work easier.


Lebanese ego

While shuffling through Facebook’s newsfeed I noticed a lot of lebanese commenting on what seems like a relationship between George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin (I say seems like since it was only dinner after all); even radio stations have been mentioning it.


So my question is this: dear lebanese people, why are you so proud all of a sudden and your egoes boosted? Do you personally know any of the two? Are you somehow related to either of them? Why are you suddenly posting We lebanese are the best, G. Clooney knows it!

I’m really not sure as to how to react to this news, I never met either of them, I do watch G.C’s movies, but that doesn’t mean I know him enough to have the right to judge his life’s choices etc. All I can say is good for him, and that’s as far as I can go.

I might be the only one who really doesn’t care what actors/singers do in their day to day life (correct me if I’m wrong), but I think following their every move is some sort of legal stalking. I enjoy the songs and movies as much as anyone, but I’m not sure that includes me telling them what to do and what not to (of course I’m omitting actors and singers that act out to be seen and get feedback).

Personal life = personal life, not please share, judge and comment my every move.

Lately intimacy is unheard of, whether it be through Facebook, Twitter, Google, Instagram or any other means; our lives have become just another homepage for others to read and comment on.
The Internet generation seeks to be seen and heard (I seek to be read for example), but we choose what to share, how much, and in which occasions.
What about those people who don’t want to share their life online but become actors, good ones, and get followed by paparazzi that later spread their lives online for the eyes of everyone?
How would you feel if you didn’t want that to happen but you have no control over it, so you end up instead being judged by total strangers that know everything about your life?

Cool or not cool? Only you have the right to judge yourself.


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